Sunday, October 4, 2026

Boy & Girl Friends

There has been a socially address posit of whether boys and girls are able to be "just friends". The growing sentiment is that, boys and girls cannot be just friends. This is my rebuttal based on both social observation, personal experience, as well as cultural changes and current norms.

To ensure clarity of terms and the posed situation the following are to be understood; the term "Boy(s)" is referring to age of consent males, the term "Girl(s)" is referring to age of consent females, the term "Friend(s)" is referring to a mutually invested at-will relationship(s), the term "Marriage" is referring only to the union of a male and female as described and upheld by God of the Bible, and has no adherence or connection to the institution or laws of any government, people, or other beliefs beyond what is Biblically ordained.

As many will undoubtedly find absolutely contradictory and problematic is the last term and its defined criteria. For followers of the Bible, many believe that the laws of government adhere to the Biblical definition of marriage. For those that do follow the Bible, the rationale of marriage is often believed to be a social and even governmental institution which only laws and regulations provide understanding. The reality is that neither of these positions are true marriage is, has always been a union as instructed, defined, and upheld by God, beyond this criteria what people do is no different than celebrating birthdays, or one's achievement to hold various licenses (drivers, CPA, Lawyer, business, etc) as these also were established and regulated by government and industry.

With this intentional clarification it is far easier to see that the socially definition of 'friends' is actually more vast than most think, because even those that have celebrated the institution of a governmental marriage are often just friends or not even that. The criteria of friends often carry several similar aspects of what people think should be in a marriage, such as; desire to spend time together, the ability to enjoy time together, similar interests, common values, and trust in one another to not harm or allow harm to come to the other. This seems redundant, but its often all that men and women are thinking about when they are looking to go through the steps of a marriage by government standards. There's also a growing development of people believing they "love" the other, when in reality it is not "love" its an overwhelming attraction, desire, and the very primitive level a biological chemical reaction. If anyone was to believe they "love" someone/anyone, they should go to the only place that has actually provided actionable criteria of what Love entails, God's Word.

By removing what culture and current social understanding from how marriage vs friendships are characterized, we can also begin adding in what was only for a marriage that society has added to friends; emotional, sensual, and sexual intimacy. It is not uncommon for men and women to be intimate in all these ways with several if not a multitude of people before, during, and after initiating the government institution of marriage. This includes those that individuals consider "friends" and they can continue being "friends" after and when one or both begin "exclusive" relationships. God's Biblical "Marriage" never allowed for this to be allowed, considered, or socially unpunished. It wasn't until the last several decades that such interactions were overlooked and ultimately promoted, even sought by the majority. 

So, if we are to understand the reality of what "friendships" actually account for now; yes, boys and girls can be "friends" by social definition and norms. It is only when people wish to switch the lens and defining characteristics that they get it wrong still. The Bible says nothing about boys and girls not being able to be friends, in fact we see Jesus' own disciples becoming very close friend with Mary and Paul being a very good friend to Percilla. The misunderstanding that people are wrestling with is what God tells us clearly, we cannot have two masters. In this, it means we cannot claim to follow the Bible, yet at the same time conduct ourselves as those that do not follow the Bible. For it is in this that we see the follower of God stumble as they will not be friends with someone if they become intimate with they but rather they will be an adulterer. For those that do not believe in the Biblical Marriage if they have initiated their governmental institution then being intimate with another is still permissable as they are not under a covenant with God, but the government and the laws they impose, which does not demand devoted monogamous relationships. 

In similar fashion, most institutional marriages are no more than glorified friendships. Essentially two individuals living their own lives while sometimes sharing a house/room, occasionally sharing social activities, and perhaps raising children (whether together or both in the own way). The reality is that their are far more friendships today than there are marriages (both institutional and Biblical), especially in America. Which further clarifies why there's a growing number of government divorces, if there was a distinction between the manner of marriages as well as the divorces that were being initiated, it would show a far more drastic proportion, and why the Biblical Marriage has never changed. 

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