What Do I Do?

I've been able to count on my friends and family at great times of need and necessity.

It is at this time, though, I think about who I can call to watch MY back, come chill and hangout, and if need be, we can count on each other to take one for our own. Investing in new activities I wrestle with a different notion of where do I turn? Who do I call? What do I do?

When I'm at this point, this is when I feel most lonely. Attributing a new face, a new confidence, and a greater risk, I take on what I have yet to enjoy, and forcefully have had to encounter. It has yet to turn any worse than what I hope for, but there's always that one time you never want it to that lerks in your mind.

There in the back are also the ones I know I could call, my boys and girls, my brothers and sister, my family and angels over me. But I know even if I call and they listen, and even then they come, I will still be alone with my angels over me. Their comfort I will find, but longing for my brothers and sisters to come even quicker.

Dare I make the great times a worry before I even start my way, just know I do not just fear for everyone else that I care for, I do fear for myself. May you watch and approve the situations I see and act on, may you find joy and understanding in my actions for such times, and may you find that in time and thought I have found reason for everything, and understanding to forgive and be responsive to others.

Look forward to having one to trust and count on, to watch out and to enjoy times together. This is a long times wish I have found and am searching for again.

It never ends ... so what do I do?