The Hardest Parent

If you have kids you may see this around, if you are a single parent you probably have been through this a few times, if your not a parent but love kids and would like to be a parent, this ... this is for you, and anyone else who might be interested.

Being that this is my experience and opinion, it is my encouragement that everyone take this with as a grain of salt, as it is but one view of what billions others are able to elaborate on as well.

I love kids, I love being a kid, I love being a kid with other kids, being a friend to them and learning from every one of them. What I look forward to even more is being a parent, most of my experience though of interactiing with any child has come from friends who are single parents, and mothers specifically. As close as the pains are to my very heart, I try to be the best gentleman to everyone of them. In some cases it has come to being an attempt at somwething more in time. In each of these families it is hard to bare to see that whether the father does or doesn't want to be in their childrens life they are not able to because of serious reasons.

As I have come to find it is hard to watch a mother be a father/mother figure its just not a true ability of any person. Even harder still is to see, in my case so many guys come into the lives of these single mothers and be a let down to not only the the mothers but in some cases the entire families, and when a good man comes along the only thing they know is pain and these men are then let down by these women.

It is a common understanding and true desire of every single mother to be seen and known as a strong independent woman, "I don't need anyone else, I just want somebody to be there ..." so many times I have heard this, without fail there is a sincere longing to been able to let go of this persona, and yet they continue to fight to give it up. This is a real battle, not within one person, not within one relationship, this battle covers everyone that these women know and have as a part of their lives, their friends, their family, and even their children.

How hard is it for a man to come in and actually 'be' the man of the family?

Well as I see it, its a title that is earned, just like being called a parent, father or mother, if you aren't really a parent, your children won't give you such a title just because you are related by blood. So earning these titles is a great honor and one that deserves to be respected.

The hardest part that I have encountered, has been to be allowed to be the male, the dominant, the householder, if you will. When a single mother has taken on the lifestyle of trying to be both a mother and father, is not in a father to give up their role, much less a mother to give up on her certainty her child. The only way of life they have known to be certain is on their own, so even if they think they love someone to devote their life with them, the thought is more likely something of a dream not a actual commitment. This is in no way a put down of any kind, actually more of a serious understanding or rather lack of comprehension among the majority.

The pain of seeing how small of an opening these women have been able to give men is unbearable, but understandably so, from seeing, listening, and just observing the impact their experiences have had on them, I'm surprised many of them still consider the thought of having a male in their lives. In some ways I don't know what hurts more, seeing the struggle and desire to add someone to be a part of the family, or failing to meet the requirements to get through that door they have closed so tight to get in their heart.

It is because of these failures, and too many as they may be, and devasting as they have ended in, I have found that to be a man is not enough, to be a respectable man is not enough, to be a loyal and faithful man is not enough, to be a gentleman like no other is either not enough or too much. My questioning comes in, because in my experience treating a lady, as a lady, has made them uncomfortable, and in many cases scared. I can attest that there are personality differences, but not to a degree to warrant total disrespect and distrust in ones motives from their side only. The very things I have had to overcome I have never put any of through, yet it continues not to surprise me, simply because I have known too many women that have had horrifying histories.